hought asking your date out in the first place was hard?Well, the road that leads to a solid relationship is dotted with plenty more hard-to-start conversations along the way.Tackled well, they’ll bring you closer as a couple.
Frame it as a request People rarely respond well to demands or ultimatums, so the last thing you want to do is play hardball with lines like, “I can’t see you anymore unless we’re exclusive.” The key, says Puhn, is to present your desire in an amiable way that shows you’re open to a discussion about it.
Like: “I have such a good time with you, and I want to see where this relationship will go.
I think we should stop seeing other people; what do you think?
” Be prepared for either answer If your date isn’t ready to commit, you should tell him or her that you respect that—after all, the whole idea may have caught your sweetie off guard, and you don’t want to punish the person for not immediately going for it.
But this doesn’t mean your nonexclusive status should continue indefinitely.
Revisit the topic in a few months and if your honey still balks, go ahead and cut ties. “If your answer isn’t, ‘No, for now,’ but ‘No, forever,’ putting off telling the truth means the issue will only re-emerge one month later, and one month after that,” warns Puhn.
Calmly say, “My feelings are strong enough that I can’t continue seeing you if this isn’t exclusive.” It’s no one’s fault, so don’t treat it as such, and you leave the door open for your sweetie to maybe start missing you and change his or her mind. Sure, provided there’s a chance you may want to commit down the road. So bite the bullet and say, “I like you, but I’m not at a point in my life where I want a relationship in the foreseeable future.” That may hurt, but your honesty here will spare you both a lot of pain later on.
Keep it positive So your date wants you and only you… “What your date is really asking is, ‘Are you into this? So if you are, say so before mentioning your reservations, as in “I’m really into this, I just need more time, can you give me that? …But not While these are legitimate curiosities, making your date dish specifics isn’t helpful and if anything, will just breed insecurity.
” or “I really want to get to know you better, but it’s just too soon to commit. Do yourself a favor, and don’t turn it into a competition: Your mate is dating you now, and that’s what really matters.
Instead, ask what he or she has learned from past relationships Your goal should be to learn who your date is, what’s influenced him or her, how this person has grown emotionally over the years.
To glean this wisdom, ask the larger — much larger — questions, like “What did you learn from your last relationship?