He is the first real guy I have been in a relationship with. We’ve been together for several months and I can sense his hesitancy about me…and I am also hesitant of him. There is statistical evidence on how many Jewish men insist on marrying Jewish – and that number is around 50%. Maybe he spends three years with you and falls in love with you. Maybe you don’t need to convert, but you’re open to raising the kids Jewish.
There is no statistical evidence on the reasons Jewish men break up with girlfriends. But that’s half of the population – which means that Jews – and Jewish families – are far from monolithic in their beliefs and preferences. You don’t know that his traditional family will be closed off to you.
I am falling for him every time we have sex, and it will hurt me tremendously if this man decides to leave me because I am not Jewish. I would like to know if I should walk away now before I invest too much. And even if he did, you need to gain some valuable life experience before you have to worry about what the Jewish in-laws might think. For once, I’m uniquely qualified to answer something, so I’m not going to miss this opportunity. What is the likelihood a Jewish guy will leave you because you are non-Jewish? And, honestly, you can’t necessarily tell those things from the get-go, much less when the chips are down.
I am a pain avoider as you have described in one article. This tells me all I need to know: a) He’s just not that into you. It is possible that he’ll come around, but it’s exceedingly unlikely. 75% of marriages that begin under the age of 25 end up in divorce. Your more interesting question, though, is about Jewish families. The question, ultimately, is whether he’s the kind of nice Jewish boy who will put his parents needs above his own?
You’re a 22-year-old girl who is casually dating a 27-year-old guy who is not serious enough about you to take his JDate profile down.
Avi Roseman is the author of the popular and controversial Jewish dating guide Secrets of Shiksa Appeal.
A 2007 graduate of The Johns Hopkins University School of Engineering, Ms.
Avi spent three years in IT Consulting, and is a matchmaker, JMag columnist (JDate Magazine), and is currently a graduate student in New York City.
Reading your book I was wondering who’s the bigger idiot - the lady needing to be told to “only bother with men who are into you”, or the guy needing the boost of dates that “make him look like a stud muffin! You’d think women would automatically know to let men come after them, but unfortunately, they don’t.
The roles of women and men in today’s society are blurred.
Women are brought up to “go for it” and to be aggressive in their educational and work lives.
I should know, I’m the daughter of a feminist-activist woman raised in the 1950’s who got a Ph D in Math and was a Senior Managing Director at JP Morgan.