There’s a recurring thread I’ve seen lately online, whether it’s in the comments here or in a few of the other forae where I lurk: an increasing sense of desperation for a relationship.
As we’re running headlong into the holiday season, it’s only natural for the singletons amongst us to look around at all of the happy couples with a certain level of bitterness and envy. As this goes on, you become increasingly bitter and upset, complaining about the “impossible standards” of others while simultaneously trying to meet or those standards because you know that your life will be incomplete until you find that special someone.
When you’re single and alone in a season that celebrates relationships and togetherness But because the strongest force in the universe is irony rather than gravity, it can seem that the harder you strive for finding that special someone, the more it slips away from you. The problem is that you’ve fallen into a classic trap: you’ve started becoming desperate and needy. It is the magic formula to make relationships disappear and drive off potential life-partners. Neediness is the state of excessive desire for affirmation, affection or reassurance from others.
They have put their self-worth in the hands of others, defining themselves by their relationship to other people.
Needy people often will say that they’re looking for a relationship in order to “complete” them or to find someone who brings “fulfilment” into their lives…
essentially looking for someone to magically bring meaning into their lives and make them whole.
They seek validation from others – in this case, a potential romantic partner – as a way of filling the void within them.
Generally, needy behavior in relationships is an issue of perceived worth and the need for external validation.
There are usually two ways that guys start becoming overly needy.
The first is that they suffer from low self-esteem and have externalized their locus of control.
They’re so consumed with the idea that they are worth so little that they need constant affirmation and praise from others around them.
They are focused on their own perceived inadequacies like a laser and can never believe that they have any good points.
They are forever looking to others for approval, asking over and over again for someone to convince them that they aren’t totally worthless. And yet the need to worship one’s partner – to put them on a pedestal, to elevate them to “goddess” status – is another way of objectifying someone and remove their humanity.
By projecting much value into one’s partner, they have put themselves into a position where they feel as though they need to placate her or kiss up to her in hopes of earning her approval.