I am a single, 26 y/o, white, middle-class, very smart, attractive guy.Most of my life is filled with success, except for one HUGE gap.I have never had a girlfriend, or a relationship that has gone beyond two dates (usually my decision or something weird happens). I have never kissed a woman, or really put myself in a situation where I could kiss someone.
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I think that I have three problems: #1 – I cannot build up enough energy to go out and meet women. I am not shy in normal social situations, but just going up to a woman and talking to her is not a skill of mine. I am much more comfortable not expressing intimacy to anyone. I would consider myself over 10 years “behind the curve” and I really feel like a loser. I tend to be a “glass is half empty” type of person.
If I go out with someone my own age, I am going to be light-years behind in experience. When you say that you are a nice guy, I wonder if what you mean is that you are a passive guy. I note that you’ve been on dates but have bailed out of the process after the second date, perhaps because you “fear intimacy” as it were (the second date being the beginning of the period when the formation of a relationship becomes a possibility).
Dating someone 18 and inexperienced like me is also quickly becoming, if not already, not possible. If I end up becoming a “40 Year Old Virgin” I will probably end my life because at that point I will have lost my window of opportunity to have a normal family life. There is a passive vibe to your letter, and an undercurrent of fear, and together these two things seem to be making it difficult for you to ask for dates and to build a relationship.
That fear and that passivity will have to be addressed and looked square in the eye if you are to solve this problem of yours.
You say you can’t build up enough energy to date, but the message that is really communicated is that you feel too much like a “dork” to date.
You’re worried that the women you would date would think you are a loser.
You also are saying here that you don’t know how to act around women.
Really – you act around them like you would if you weren’t trying to get them into bed, except that you act just a little nicer, and you take them to a nicer place.
The conversation you have isn’t otherwise all that different than what you might have with a female friend.