The type of leftovers that’s been sitting in the back of the fridge, soiled to the point where you have to throw it away with the good tupperware.
I’m all about feeding the homeless, but I’d never think one of my friends would be that hungry for my life. Who give a shit about his side of the story on why we broke up, who cares what his issues were.
Marylin said it perfect: “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure.
But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” You’ve seen this movie before, you may have even been an extra in it.
The sequel will be just as bad except you’ll be playing the fool.
Above all, if you’re my friend, we have something in common.
I have A LOT of friends in a LOT of different circles. Recently, a topic has comes up on several occasions in these completely separate circles.
I feel like the universe is trying to tell me something so let me inform all my friends (that means you too reader) in one simple blog post what the deal is: You are NOT allowed under ANY circumstances to date my two Ex-boyfriends, Popeyes and Bad Habit (if you are my friend, you know who these dudes are.
If you are just an acquaintance, email me and I’ll let you know). I’m telling you this because I’m trying to protect you, I don’t want you to be hurt the way I was. If can’t be happy with those assholes, after everything they’ve put me through, no one else I know can either. I don’t care if ya’ll are soul mates and your love is ordained by big baby Jesus himself.
Any one else, whether it be an ex, an ex-situationship, a boo, a crush, or just some dude I dated for the summer, they are all free for the taking. Even if you’re the last two people on earth, even if I’m dead in the grave, I’d give up my angel wings to come haunt you.
I’m not married to them, they don’t hold any special memories or deep pain. And don’t let me be alive, cause then I’ll fuck you up, without explanation cause I WARNED your ass not to.
And it won’t be no pansy staged Love-and-Hip Hop-Real-Housewives-Bad-Girls Club type fight.
No, I will black out and whoop your ass like I’m from the projects.
Then I’ll get some Obeah woman to throw some feathers in a bowl and curse the shit out of your relationship and any off spring that could come from it. Further, stupid ass friend, why would you even want my leftovers?