One of the most frequently asked questions I get on this blog is from women: “Do you have any advice for helping the girl trying to get the nerd?” The cliche rejoinder of “Yes: show up” is a tempting (and frankly, obvious) response, but it does a real disservice to both men and women.
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Take the usual difficulties in meeting a man and throw in some painfully shy guys who’re used to rejection and mockery from the opposite sex and trying to win their hearts has gone from challenging to Nintendo hard, even when you already share a mutual love of Joss Whedon and retro video games. I’ve been the guy who desperately wanted the girls to approach him and the one who’s done the approaching.
So start taking notes and hold your questions until the end; if some of the advice seems a bit contradictory to what I’ve said elsewhere, just wait. The first question many women would ask is “Why should I be interested in dating a geek? I won’t give you any of the standard fluff answers about how geeks are more loyal and less likely to cheat because they’ll be too grateful (the stereotype of the dateless virgin is outdated…
and besides, guys are guys regardless of whether they’re into fantasy football or Final Fantasy) or that they’ll treat you better than the usual Alpha Male types you’re used to (being a geek doesn’t mean you can’t also be a jerk). Geeks spend a lot of time lost in their own heads, which allows for the development of a rich imagination and a shocking level of creativity.
They’ll surprise you with their insight; they have a way of looking at things from an unexpected angle. Geeks tend to be more sexually adventurous than most and are up for trying new things. Last Monday, I mentioned (to some small controversy) that attractive women can be intimidating to guys.
A geek boyfriend will surprise you with his imaginative gifts and out-of-the-ordinary dates and experiences. The kink community has an almost shockingly heavy geek population. Ya’ll are a hot commodity to the right women.) So how do you win over a geek guy? This is especially true to shy, socially inexperienced guys – as geek boys tend to be.
It can take some getting used to if you’re used to the typical “flowers and chocolates” type, but it can be so much more rewarding. They love learning and knowledge for it’s own sake; if they have an interest in a subject, they’ll dive into it with great eagerness. If you’re looking to get tied up and spanked, you’ll find geeks are ready, willing and incredibly able. Geek guys will appreciate your love of XKCD and Avatar: The Last Airbender. (Hey, geek guys: want to know what else women like about you? You need to remember that many geeks are so used to rejection that they it; the dialogue in a geek guy’s head is a neverending chorus of rationalizations and worst-case scenarios.They’ll pick up skill sets just because it interests them. That intellectual curiosity and imagination I mentioned earlier? They have played through every possible outcome in their mind and every single one of them ends with laughing and pointing, occasionally with a drink thrown in their face. When you couple that with the occasionally crippling approach anxiety, nerdboys are unlikely to make the first approach.Knowing how to build a replica of Cyclops’ visor, modding a computer into Portal turret or building Hollywood-quality costumes from Mass Effect may never come in handy… Geeks take interest in a wide variety of subjects and pride themselves in being engaged in the world around them. If you want them to come to you, you are going to have to make it easier on them.Just as geeks love learning and collecting facts, they appreciate a woman who has a brain and isn’t afraid to use it. You have to let them know that you’ll welcome their attention.Nothing makes a geek happier than being able to have an in-depth and detailed conversation with the woman they’re attracted to. Geek guys are frequently shy and afraid of rejection.If you’ve become frustrated dealing with men who’re intimidated by the fact that you are as smart as they are – or smarter – you need to find yourself a geek boy. Geeks feel things strongly and respond even stronger to the things they’re interested in. If you’re the sort of person with a large personality, this can make them even more afraid; they’ll become convinced that being rejected by you will turn into a full production that will guarantee that witnesses their humiliation.