“Instead of thinking in terms of black and white (He likes me/he doesn’t like me), think in terms of grey.
Isn’t it possible that a guy can be out, enjoying your company, being thoughtful, telling you you’re beautiful, kissing you at the end of the night, and never call you again? I am not a man, so it’s difficult for me to understand. For example, if I like a guy, and I had a good time on a date, I’d like to see him again.
I think about it in 2nd grade terms, “I like a person, I would like to see them again.
So what distinguishes when a guy goes on a date, has a good time, but is just “in the moment, and doesn’t call me back, versus a guy who had a good time with me and then calls me back? the guy knows this date isn’t going to be serious, before the date occurs?
Or does the “in the moment” feeling occur during the process of the date, which is dependent on the woman and on a date itself? How do you approach this dating, “in the moment” situtation? Maybe it’s just me, but all interactions with people mean something to me.
I feel that’s the respect I should give to another person.
And if they don’t mean anything to me, then it’s because I don’t want to interact with that person.
Dear Jean, I’m going to drop the dating coach bit for a second and just be a guy.
When I was dating prolifically, I’d be going out with two or three women at a time. But no matter what, I was looking to keep my options open, have fun, and sometimes get a little action.
And every single time I went out, I did two things: In short, I wanted every single date to feel good about me, so I would have the option of going out with her again. And yes, I was always in pursuit of a long-term relationship.
I just didn’t want to deprive myself entirely of sexual activity until I fell in love.
By the way, whether you agree or not, I considered myself a NICE guy.
I slept with very few people, I never said, “I love you” and I rarely kept a physical relationship going beyond a few weeks, if I felt it was headed nowhere. To a woman who woke up next to me after a first date and thought that we were “in a relationship”, I can see how she felt differently…. My friend, dating coach and matchmaker, Julie Ferman, talks about what a strange world we live in where we are more comfortable sleeping with a stranger than we are TALKING about what it means to sleep together. Better to hop in bed and hope we can handle the emotional consequences than it is to have a weird conversation about commitment, right? Until you GET this, until you truly EMBRACE the fact that we think with our penises and allow our brains to catch up weeks later, you’re ALWAYS going to be surprised at the “disconnect” between men’s words and their actions.
So if you really want to understand men, Jean, chew on this one for awhile: Men look for sex and find love. You would never sleep with someone you weren’t interested in. Our words are designed to charm you and make you feel comfortable.