In fact, one of the biggest mistakes long-distance daters make is trying to cram too much time together into their compressed schedule.We can't tell you how many promising courtships we've seen dissolve after the dating partners spent just about every waking hour with each other over the three, five or seven days they were together in the same city.That's because everybody needs "down time" to consciously and unconsciously process what they experienced as the courtship develops.
There are other reasons why courtships such as these are destined for failure.
Who would want to spend so much time with someone they have little or no history with and are just beginning to get to know?
And who wants to be on "dating behavior" for 8, 10, 12 hours at a time, trying to keep up the flow of conversation for so long?
In previous columns you've mentioned the idea of giving one another space during the dating process. Hank With relatively inexpensive air fares and even cheaper long-distance telephone rates (not to mention the blessings of e-mail), it is now easier than ever to negotiate a long distance courtship.
You recommend one date for 2 or 3 hours and then not another one for several days, and I've followed that advice. However, anyone considering long-distance dating should be aware of the inherent problems in dating a G. ("geographic undesirable") and how to avoid those problems.
It seems impractical to sit around a foreign place and wait a few days in-between dates!
Before two people even consider beginning a long-distance courtship, we recommend that they clarify two points.
The first is that each of them is dating for the purpose of marriage, and the reason they are dating each other is to see if they will be able to develop a relationship that will ultimately lead to marriage.
The next point to clarify is that one of the parties (and it doesn't matter which one) is willing to relocate if the two of them decide to marry. You've coordinated your schedules, purchased the airline ticket, and arranged for accommodations once you arrive in your date's home city. Plan to intersperse dates with activities you will do on your own.
It's a terrible idea to spend too much time together.
This is true whether you're meeting for the first time, or getting together again for a second, third, or even fifth meeting.