I see this guy as a predator; I doubt this is his first 15-year-old, and if he gets away with it she won't be his last. -- Hartford I think going to the police first would be a mistake.
The dad's best move is to talk to his daughter first, find out what really happened.
He could choose to go to the police at any time during the process, but he can't un-go to the police.
The more compelling reason is that she's a capable person, who has opinions and ideas and feelings.
Daddy risks alienating her completely if he mistakes "child" (which she is) for "infant" by completely bypassing her in his charge to make things right.
She isn't just part of that process, she's central to it, and he needs to acknowledge that -- and I don't think he'll regret doing that even if he ultimately calls the cops.
Dear Carolyn: You posted a question concerning the 15-year-old dating the 21-year-old; I read through readers' answers and there really didn't seem to be a consensus.
When I was 21, I spent a semester student-teaching 9th graders (15-year-olds) and there was a HUGE maturity difference between us.
On the other hand, some of those same kids would somehow find their way into the college bars on the weekends, and I was paranoid I'd unwittingly end up going home with one of them, so I can see both sides.Not that you are the tie-breaker, but it is your column, so what's your take?-- Tokyo For those who missed it, here's the original letter I posted: Dear Carolyn: I am a dad and I just found out my daughter, 15, is seeing a man of 21.After sleeping on it I have pretty much decided to call the police.My daughter is obviously not an innocent party, but he is 21 and knows she is 15. My plans for my daughter are the following: no computer in her room, Internet turned off at p.m., no going over to anyone's house for at least a month (she used this method to meet up with him), counseling, and at least 20 hours of community service.I have asked people whose opinion I trust what they think of my going to the police. I also plan on taking her to Planned Parenthood to get tested, etc.